Have you ever had this experience that you’ve had a great day at work, you’ve had meetings, you’ve done your sales calls, whatever it is you’ve been doing, and then you come home and it takes like five minutes and your communication skills fail miserably?
And you and your partner, you’re like, going at each other and you’re like, what the hell happened here? Right? I’m going to tell you exactly what is going on in that situation. Right. Because one of the things that are so interesting is that professional, effective professional communication and effective personal communication, those two things, there are two completely different animals.
And both you and I, we can like, take words and put them in order and make sense of stuff. But those two types of communications, they’re not the same at all. And if we try to make them the same, we are going to fail, right? So one thing to consider is that most of us you’ve probably gone to school for, like depending on where in the world you are 10 or 12 years, and then college or university or whatever, and then you’ve been having a professional career and advanced there.
So you’ve really learned the skill of professional communication. Rarely have people invested that much in learning the personal communication art, right? So that’s one of the explanations why over here we’re just really good at it. And over here we suck. Well, some people do anyway. Right. So I’m going to talk about four different topics that if you don’t master those you’re going to break your personal communication.
Now the good news is that these are very easy to understand. And they’re pretty easy to implement as well. So very quickly through this video, you’ll actually become able to really transform that personal communication. And it’s important because if that part doesn’t work, it creates a lot of pain and it makes our relationship distant and it really hurts us.
Right? It hurts you. It hurts your intimate partner. So it’s it’s a subject which is really important to me personally and professionally. And it’s important to most people should be frank. All right. So the four topics, the first of them is that at work we are often very goal oriented, whereas at home we tend to be very much more interpersonal.
So it’s like a personal connection we are having there at work. We have this project right by this state. We’ve got to get this ready. Then we got to do this and this and this, and we have processes for it. So it’s all in order. It’s set up to be structured when you come home to your female partner, right.
You will experience that there is a craving and there is a need to deepen the relationship by having interpersonal communication skills right? Like empathy, like vulnerability, like curiosity, like non-judgment, like just talking about things without having a goal, which is completely different, right? So what you really need to be aware of in that setting is that over here, which is work, you can do the goal oriented, the very, you know, linear process.
Whereas over here you need to develop skills to master the art of interpersonal connection and really make your partner, your conversational partner feel good. That’s very much what the personal side is about. And I’m going to teach you a bit more about that. So that’s that’s the first thing that if we don’t recognize and take that into account, we are going to fail.
The second thing is doing versus being over here at work. It’s so easy, man. We have this goal. We have this. You need to sell this amount or this number of units or whatever it is you need to make this number of calls. You need to address these kinds of things in this way. And you measured on that, you know, whether you’re succeeding or failing.
So over here it’s easy, right? You just have to do the stuff you’ve been asked to and your success over here, you have to be something. You have to not pretend to be something. But it’s very much your being, your ability to be present, your ability to be understanding, your ability to create some kind of emotional bond that you’re measured on.
Because let’s just face it, we measure our partners ability to meet our needs. But the thing is over here, you know what the milestone is? You know which criteria you have to meet. And you know, when you meet that criteria over here in most relationships, you don’t, right? There’s all these things going around. You don’t know what it is.
You’re supposed to be. Right. So that’s a major difference, right. And you really need to pay attention to that. That the rules over here are vastly different because you need to be able to step into another person’s world, especially if you’re male and you have a female partner. You really need to be able to enter her world and understand what she’s talking about, what she’s feeling, and if that’s like you’re thinking, what’s it talking about?
Please reach out and I’ll help educate you. Because in order to make the relationship work, a personal relationship, you cannot treat it like the professional relationship, right? So you need to enhance those things. But first of all, it’s like the awareness that those are two different things. And probably you feel you feel more confident over here than you do over here.
Because as I started out, you spent years and years and years learning this thing. You know, this animal, this animal over here, you know, parts of it. But there are also parts of you don’t, you don’t know. And you need to get curious and you need to investigate it. I heard someone say that the greatest gift you could give a man in a relationship is a magnifying glass and a shot of Holmes hat, so you can start being a detective and start to investigate.
And just to be very clear now, I’m listening to myself here. This is not in any way meant to be condescending towards women or the female energy. Quite the contrary. I really want to emphasize these differences, and I’m going to get back to those. In order for everybody to feel good about it, we need to talk about what’s different.
And I know that you may and some people may find this no, no, no, no, we are just the same and we are alike and all that, all the talk which is going on in society now, we’re not we are totally different. Right. Listen, just a very short example. If you go to a friend’s house and his pot, this huge, massive barbecue, right.
And you’ll go over there and you look at him and you go. You grab the handle, you open it and you’ll notice that it’s really sturdy material and you will close it up and you will like just with your foot, you will kick the wheel a little bit. You’ll go. He knows exactly what you’re thinking. You’re thinking this is a brilliant piece of work.
It’s quality. I know it’s been expensive, i wish I could have one also. Whereas whereas the female people around there will be looking at you like are they Neanderthals or what is going on here. Why aren’t they communicating. You are communicating just in a different language. We are different, right? So we need to accept that fact. We need to have equal rights and pay and all those things.
But that doesn’t mean we are the same. So that was just a little rant about that. The third thing, third thing is authority versus equality, which is very interesting because over here you may be a leader or maybe even the boss of some kind, right? Or a CEO or whatever, how far you’ve gotten on that ladder if you want to step onto that ladder at all.
But you may have like an authority, you have authority over this project, over this, product, whatever the case may be. But over here, if you try to bring that authority hat with your home. Oh, boy, you’re in for a surprise over here if you ever tried. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You can’t do that. It’s not going to work.
You’re going to like, hit it. The right. Not necessarily physically, I hope. Not physically, but at least verbally or emotionally. It’s going to hurt. So you really need to be aware of that. If you have a level of authority in your professional life, you’ve got to leave that behind when you go out the door so that when you enter here, your equal, right, maybe you have decided on some kind of this part of our of of of of our life is your responsibility.
So you’re sort of the boss there. This part is her responsibility, right? That may be the garden, the house, the car or the cooking, the whatever. Right. But if you don’t have that specific agreement, really. Remember, leave the boss at work. Bring the one who looks and in at eye level to your partner so that your equal right.
And if we aren’t aware of that, it’s so easy. You’ve been over here for ten hours. You’ve been doing the thing and telling people what to do and and you know, all that stuff. It’s so easy to just stay in that frame of mind, because I bet when I’m telling you now, you’re like, yeah, sure. I you’d never do this.
You’d never bring the boss home if you were aware of it. But if you aren’t aware, it’s so easy to do because you do it for so many hours a day, a week, a month, a year in your life, right? But be aware of that. And the last topic is direct versus indirect communication. And I’m going to go a little bit back to the difference between the masculine and feminine here.
So at work you know the rules. Like you go to your boss and you have done what you supposed to do and the boss is going to look at you until good job, you reach the goal or you did whatever the case was that you had to do. So that’s very direct. If you are at a meeting
or a conference, you are asked to report something. You are direct, right? Now, when we go over here, that’s not how it works.
That is not how it works in intimate relationships. So if you talk to your partner and you are too direct, you might be perceived as cold or unloving. And that sucks. Right. So you don’t want to do that. Right. So it’s a much more indirect kind of communication. The way you express your desires and the way you express your wishes, right.
And even talking about things. If you are doing it too directly, your partner, your intimate partner might be feel really hurt. And that’s that’s a big, big, big, big, big deal. So this is another thing to remember is that you really need to adjust the way you talk with your intimate partner in that kind of relationship.
So the point here is don’t confuse work communication and personal relationship communication, right? So it could be very, very, very effective for you to do what you do at work and still fail miserably with your partner. So I hope this video helps you understand the differences. I would really like to get your feedback on that, and feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments.
