Have you ever walked out of an argument with your loved one? Just so the storm wouldn’t get any worse? If so, my friend, you failed, right? You lost. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. Because the really strong and centered way would be to stay in the argument, not to make it worse, or to hurt each other, but to stay there with presence, with an open heart.
Right. And if you don’t do that. Sorry to say, but you fail, right. And I’m going to explain why in just a moment. But imagine this, that during a game it might be a sports game, it might be business. If things don’t go the way you want them to. You have several different options. You could either go. Yeah?
Well, what? We’ll just leave it at that. But in most cases, what are you going to do? You’re going to grit your teeth, you’re going to gather your strength, and you’re going to do whatever it takes to get to the finish line. Right? And remember that feeling of maybe you didn’t win, maybe everything didn’t go as planned or as you envisioned it because sometimes it just doesn’t go that way, right?
But remember the feeling of giving it your all, and that you know that you’ve done everything you could in order to resolve this problem. It’s the same thing with these arguments with your loved one. And that’s why I have the audacity to tell you that if you walk away, you actually fail, right? And I want you to know that I respect you immensely for actually doing something to get out of that state where you are going to hurt each other.
Because nobody wins from that. But there is something I really want you to understand here that the argument may be about something concrete, like money, or how to raise the kids, or doing the dishes or whatever kinds of things can happen. But there is also another level. There is a hidden agenda, right? And that’s where the masculine and the feminine are different, because there is a calling on your feminine part.
You may have discovered that she is calling out for you to become the man you can, maybe not in the language you understand because if you and I, we meet, we could go like and and not beat each other up or, you know, challenge each other like that. The feminine way to challenge is not by puffing her chest and, you know, doing all those things.
It’s by words. Right. One of the greatest feminine powers is in her words. And you’ve probably discovered that, and it has probably heard you somewhere. And she doesn’t. She doesn’t do it to be mean, though it may feel like that she doesn’t necessarily do it to be controlling the. It may also feel like that she does to call out to you to become the man that she knows you can be.
And let me tell you a very short story. If you’ve ever done sports, for example, you may remember that coach who challenged you to to run faster or to catch, to throw, to do those things. And if it wasn’t like sports, it could have been in academics. It could have been that you were building race cars, whatever the case might be, and you know that you became better because of that.
Coach challenging you. And that’s the thing about your woman. She cares that you become the man she knows you can be. And sometimes it hurts. And in that way of seeing it, the argument, staying in the argument not to be right, not to put anybody down. Not to convince, not to win the argument, but to be there with her.
Being present with your heart open. That’s what she’s calling for. She’s calling for you to rise into the man that you can really become. So with that frame, do you see now why I have the audacity to say that you’re failing when you don’t do that? So you shouldn’t be just stepping away from the argument, right? It’s about really walking into it and keeping your presence, keeping your masculine strength and center so you can be there with your heart open.
That’s really what it’s about. Of course, there may be things that need to be resolved about raising the kids, about money, about all those things I mentioned. But you can never do that from a place of arguing and going at each other. And, you know, being angry. Very rarely do things get resolved from those states, right? But you can stay with her.
You can stay present. And then at one point, you can look at her and you can tell her, look, I know this difficult. I love you, and you can hold her, right? If she allows that, maybe she doesn’t. Then you will have to find some other kind of, playful way to do that. But I have three strategies that you can really use in these situations.
And we could talk about communication skills and, how to choose your words. And I’ve made videos about that also. So you can get that from me. But have you ever. I like the sports metaphors because they’re so clear for many of us. Have you ever been watching a game? I live in Europe, in Denmark and soccer, European football or whatever we want to call it is like the major sports here.
And, you know, you see a player having to do the penalty shot and you watch him walking up there and you can see that he’s going to miss why, you know, so often afterwards people are like, I knew it. I could see it. Why do we see it? Because it’s not an integrity. There is something about his posture, his self worth, his certainty that he’s going to make this work isn’t really there.
And it’s the same thing that if you learn communication techniques. But you don’t master yourself, your inner dialog, your posture, all of those things, it’s just going to be techniques and see. It’s going to see right through it. Just like we can see you and I from that player walking up to the penalty spot or whatever the case may be, taking the shot if that’s the thing.
Right. So I’m not going to talk about communication skills. I’m not going to talk about self-mastery. How do you handle yourself first of all? The first thing I want to talk about is reframing. You really need to understand and appreciate the fact that she may criticize you. She may talk really bad to you, right? May seem mean, but the essence is really not to criticize.
The essence is a call for you to elevate yourself as a man, to raise the standard to up your game, so to speak. Right. So really, and that’s what I’ve been talking a lot about. So I’m going to do it fairly briefly now. But that is really such an important framing that you really embrace that is just not out to put you down.
Words may seem like that, but the hidden agenda is a call for you to elevate, to take responsibility, to become the man, to become strong. To show the heart that she knows you’ve got because she’s with you for a reason, right? She might say you hate, she hates you, and that you’re incapable of all kinds. She may throw the worst stuff at you, but it’s a test to see.
Are you really trustworthy? And I could go on about that for about a week. I’m not. But really, you know, understand the framing. That is not criticism. It’s a call to elevate you. The second thing is to control your emotions, right? And by that I mean breathe. If you become angry, you become tense. And you know, the eyes do like.
And your facial expression tenses. I’m not talking about controlling it in in a cleansed, sort of closed off way where we go, like, you’re just, you know, holding everything in. That’s not controlling your emotions. That’s just bottling it up. And you look frightening when you do that. So what I’m talking about is sincere emotions, right? Let them pass.
Right. Breathe that deep breath. And think about this. If you wake up at night and you are maybe in a period with a lot of pressure, and you know that thoughts are going to start racing through your mind, and if you latch onto them, you’re going to spin out of control. These thoughts are going to what it’s going to take to the next and the next and the next and next thing you know is that 2.5 hours went by and you didn’t get any sleep.
So you don’t want to latch onto the emotions here when it happens. You just want to breathe and you want to find that place inside where you can let them pass and you can release it. It can be anger. It can be sadness. It can be all kinds of things. But what you really want to do is that you want to stay present with her.
You want to feel your heart. You want to feel your love for this woman and for your family. You want to feel your own greatness, that you can handle this without her becoming this kind of monstrous being. Right? But. And that requires practice. If you’ve never done that before, please reach out to me and I’ll help you. I’ve got programs where we talk about those things, but in essence, you really want to.
And enable yourself to control and influence your emotions in a way where you can let them live inside of you but not really dominate you. Right? And the third thing I’ll talk about is let it be about her. Right? What happens so often? Because as masculine beings who are more often than not men, what we want to do is have we get inside of our head and we want to fix stuff.
She’s hurting. The two of you are hurting. You want to fix it. You want to find some kind of solution. Now it’s handled, but you can’t write. It’s emotions. It’s all these things. There is no way to fix it. And you really need to understand. It’s not about you needing to fix it. You don’t want to go into your head to say the next smart thing and think it all out.
And what are you going to say to win the argument? Don’t go there. As I said before, you may have things to resolve, and that can only happen from a peace or from a place of trust and a place of feeling close. Right? Because you may be so physically much stronger that she’ll give in to you and say, okay, you know, we’re going to do whatever you say, but that’s not resolving things.
That’s just her giving up, and it’s going to lower her feeling of trust and closeness with you, which you don’t want that to happen. Right. So really.
Don’t get into your head. Stay open with your heart and really be with her. Right. That’s the 30. And these things I’m talking about. It may take some practice, especially if you’ve been having a rough time over a period of time, maybe months, maybe years, right? Where you’ve been fighting, you’ve had arguments. There may be so much tension build up that as soon as one of you says, let’s just say money, all of this happens and you’ve got to take control of that so you don’t, you know, go totally overboard in all your thoughts and your emotions of the past, right?
So just be aware of that tension may have built over time. And what a really want to encourage you is, do you remember when you have conquered some thing. Right. That pride you have. You go out and you look yourself in the mirror and you go, I hope you don’t look like this, my mug here.
But you and I’m sure you understand what I mean. And that’s what you’ll be able to do when you implement these practices. Right. That you stay inside of it. You stay with your woman. You control your emotions. You bring with. Right. So when this storm passes, it didn’t pass because you just left it pass because you stayed with it without getting overly overly engaged, but staying present inside of yourself with an open heart.
Right? And you can have that, that pride. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. And that’s really what I want to show you with this video, so that instead of teaching you techniques how to talk and how to convince and how to do stuff, how to influence others, right now I really want to, as I’ve been doing in this video, emphasize the personal mastery, the self-mastery, the inner mastery, and help you on that path, right?
I got lots of resources for you if you ever want to learn more about that. Look at my web page, Jacob beach.com. I got programs and all kinds of stuff that’ll help you, and I’d love to hear from you. So please comment on this video, send me an email. Let me hear what you take away from it. What’s the most important thing for you?
What do you think is going to support you the most going forward so that these arguments, instead of walking away or whatever you’ve been doing, that you really stay present with your open heart, which you are capable of as a human being. So as we wrap up, I just want to thank you for watching. I really hope that you get a lot out of it.
Send me an email, write me a comment. Let me know what’s the most important takeaway you have and you go out and have yourself a great day.
